I am ‘insan’…

It seems having the life partner became a hot topic in my
cyber-life. Words like ‘da ad psgn hidup?’ or ‘da ready nk dirikn masjid’
played repeatedly every day…(wargh, I’m really scared- mengapakah harus begini
pemikiran mereka yg menjejak 20 tahun?) I’m totally agreed with the idea about
married helps the teenagers to avoid unnecessarily things to happen. But I’m
really shocked here as people around me totally change their way of thinking
things (drastically!). this makes me wonder, are they aware about what is the
real marriage is all about? For me (coating back from my beloved Ustz Yazid
said), marry is all about responsibilities… responsibilities, which is closely
related to ‘amanah’  (bnd yg pling berat
itu ialah amanah-Imam al-Bukhary). Are this people (we, me or you) are ready to
hold those responsibilities? Have you gain enough knowledge, can you guide you
partner, are you stable enough, etc? I’m aware that young marriage have shown
its success through many (I can say, thousands, millions..) evidences. But my
point is, let us reflects we ourselves. Make sure that you are sure that the ‘masjid’
that you want to build is strong enough, can produce high quality products and
follow the right way (Islam way)

*sincerely, this is a though from a person that in the confuse
state (act, the word confuse is not the accurate one to describe my state, but
that the closest one, I think…)

*feedback is much appreciated

while i was wondering who i want to chat with tonight, i saw a name (which for sure i wouldn’t not mention here) appear on9. although my relationship with him/her were not as cool as it suppose to, but there was some force that jerk me to take away my ego for a while and say ‘helo’ to him/her. ’salam, dnga cte hang pi endon…’. the response received was totally unexpected..’ eh, ni bukan owner la, kwn die’..’ops, silap org, sory’..

but it happened that the ‘friend’ seems quite friendly that makes me failed to stop from to know more about him/her. and what makes me have some ‘energy’ to write this entry after chatting with her (quite sleepy, need to sleep!) was that the ‘friend’ of my friend was failed to do well in her SPM. she/he failed to get placed in any tertiery education level. subhanallah, she/he must be very strong to faced this challenge! this brings me back to my memory when i received my interview result, which noted that i will be placed in McB under ’skim pelajar cemerlang’. on that time, i felt that my world turned black (argh, pye hate tmpt ni, cmne lak bole dpt!!?)..subhanallah, dear god, please do forgive your disgraceful servant, who never thank to what have YOU give to him..astaghfirullah hal azim..this ‘friend’ totally ‘open’ my eyes that always be thankful to what you received, although it was not as what you wish…

I assume this title is ok for the story for this entry, but
after awhile, I think this title only have to do to catch the attention of the
reader (hurm, is there anyone likes to read my ‘unknowledgeable’ story?). but
anyway, today I just want to talk what I see and feel for this whole, pack,
busy Monday; May 26, 2008…this is the day that I had planned to finish 3 tasks
(sent the Czech document, repair my ‘beloved’ external hard disk and donate my
blood). The day started as I went to a cybercafé, about 50 meters in front of
my house, to print out some documents. It seems that I had been cheated, as two
fully printed page cost about RM 1.20! mak aih, cekik darah gile bai! Its ok as
I keep inside my mind that just finished this bloody document of!(argh, bikin
runsing saja ini document, bru je nk bercuti dgn tenang)…as I arrived there
(amcorp, pj tower) after a very ‘challenging’ journey (dipenuhi dengan ujian
kesabaran yg teramat hebat!), I submitted my documents (proud to say that I’m
the first one!). tet..tet (sound like the wrongly answered question buzzer),
the pictures that I just submitted failed to pass their requirement…(oh, gambar
itu terlalu machokah hinggakn mereka terconfius membandingkn diriku dengan shah
rukh khan?)..argh, again, I had to take another new pic, and that cost RM 31
(again, my pocket become thinner)…but all the tense faded away as I got a glass
of root beer from the A&W (I think that’s the largest A&W restaurant I
had ever seen in Malaysia)…then I proceed to Plaza Low Yat (for my external
hard disk ‘consultation’)…as expected, the wire got some problems, and need to
be repair and that need, again, the MONEY!!!(argh, mengapakah hidup ini perlu
berkisar akan duet?)…finished repairing my hard disk, I quickly rushed to PDN
(national blood centre). The sky was dark (subhanallah, sempatkah?). while on
my way (walking from titwangsa station, to the PDN), the rain started to fall
down…hua~ as I reached there, my cloth was partially wet…but anyway,
alhamdulillah cause I successfully reached there. Filled up the form and
checked my blood pressure. The dr. who conduct my blood pressure test
successfully make me stunned (masyaALLAH, beruntungnye suami die..!). had a
calm face, not so beautiful, but enough to show that she is ‘something’…(hurm,
agak terkesima melihat dr itu; Dr. Najwa, harap2 la dpt teman hidup mcm
tu…sonang hati den)…anyway, back to the real motif, I want to give some
‘hantaran’ to the PDN blood stock. But somehow, my blood pressure was too high!
(ni tidur pukul berape ni smlm?erm2, pkul 1240 lbih kurg…hurm patutnye kamu
tidur awal, pkul 12 da tido da if nk derme darah…ooo)…3 times I failed to pass
the test..hurm sadly, the doc reject my hantaran…(sungguh kecewa..sungguh
kecewa…). Human can plan, but the final result depends to the god. Subhanallah,
sdikit insaf disitu…although it seems that today is my bad luck day, (bayaran
yg super cekik darah, kene hujan, hantaran ditolak, kene hujan lg lebat lg),
but that’s what a fighter life is…a true fighter needs to face the real
challenge in this life…failure is part of the ingredients, take it positively…referring
back to what I had heard, (insyaALLAH betul la kot), Saidina Umar will be afraid
that ALLAH may forget about him if the day goes smoothly (without any problems
happened). From here I can say that be thankful to ALLAH although we always
being tested with many obstacles, it shows that ALLAH wants you (and me!) to be
a great servant of him…HE never test His servant with things that beyond the
human capability…marilah sama2 kita menjadi seorang pejuang yang berjuang dan
tetap berjuang walaupun orang lain xsuke berjuang!!!(alhamdulillah…2 kerja saya
sudah habis, tp nampak gaye, blood donation to kene extend bulan depan la..esok
mau amik booster dose hep B..ho5~)

‘Kecik hati’ is a Malay proverb that means a kind of feeling as the person felt
not being threat correctly (I might say) by somebody (especially the one that
close to them). If we directly translating the ‘kecik hati’ into English, it
will be: small liver (scientifically) or small heart (literally)! kah3, this
bring me to the memory when it was minutes away before the SPM English examination
started, my friend make fun using an malay idiom, directly translated into English.
(sepandai2 tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua: clever-clever squirrel jump,
finally fell to the ground). It is not totally an idiom, but an idiot!(he5). Ok,
back to ‘kecik hati’ problem, I just want to tell you a story about my experience
facing this kecik hati problem. Erk, actually, my ‘friend’ problem. It begun when
my ‘friend’, a totally (miserable) + (unstable with his emotion) + (other
unscientifically proven problems) needs to go to his last IRP meeting. It just
the day where he felt quite ‘no mood’ to go to the meeting, but at the same
time, he want to come. But he decide not to come, hoping that his mood for that
day will improved (then he can study peacefully). He knows that his friends
(his IRP mates) will get ‘kecik hati’ to him, but it just that no body haven’t
understand who he is actually (as he told nobody about himself). And he totally
hates the school that he just wants to forget his past there (that’s another reason
he don’t want to meet people that close to him aka his classmates). And the feed
back just received was just as expected. It happened when one of his IRP mate
ask him ‘what type of sickness you got when our last IRP meetings?’. He replied,
‘erk, can’t tell anybody, secret~). Another IRP mate then give a quit unfavorable
answer ‘eleh, nak study sendiri la tuu’… my ‘friend’ just can’t blame his
friend (the one that give that unfavorable answer) as he doesn’t provide a good
answer for his IRP leader’s question…but still, my ‘friend’ do felt ‘kecik hati’
also la because of that. Hurm, just to take the point from this story, never
felt kecik hati although people talk bad things to us. Just be yourself. Sometimes
things can’t be explain as it is not physically shown. Just stand firm to your
ground and life to the max! pray to got so He can show the right path you should
follow..amin…

Alhamdulillah, I just successfully finished my IB diploma.
Through this tough 2 years, I feel that I hadn’t fully maximized my skills
& abilities to gain the experience of this programme. It seems that I just
try to fulfill those requirements that MARA set so I can go further my study
oversea. Astaghfirullah hal-azim…I hope that I will not repeat back those
mistake that I had done. It’s a shame to think back what had happen, but more
or less, I must thank to ALLAH as all this things make me matured, wise and
thought me to be clear in taking paths in this life. I think, I’m going to name
the chapter of my whole life in this college as ‘The Azkaban’. It just suits to
what I had gone through. And now another new chapter, ‘Journey to become a
super muslim’. Haha, thinking about that title name makes me feel ‘it just a
dream’. But that was what I dream before I enter this college. I failed to
become ‘super muslim’ here in McB and now, I’m old enough, ready enough, and
should become one of them. I hope ALLAH will guide me to this ambition. The
holiday had started and will waste no time to restart the plan. May ALLAH bless
me. Amin…:) 

can EMO-DEFICIENCY being considered as a type of sickness?